Anxious parts and healing

Millie the orange tabby cat stretched out on my chest

I have a part that likes to get a little anxious in the evenings. She's the one that starts to worry about all the things... things I can't control, mostly future tripping and "catastrophizing" about anything, really, that could happen. I've spent a lot of time getting to know this part and helping her heal.

This part comes from the little girl who endured major trauma in the dark and was afraid to be in the dark for a very long time afterward.

A protector part came along and pushed those memories out of her mind, and we only remembered what happened at age 18, a decade later.

We've spent a lifetime getting to know each other and healing together. Decades of traditional talk therapy seemed helpful in the moment, but life kept showing back up with a big 'ol b&%@h slap showing me I wasn't ok. Relationships struggles, divorce, friendship struggles, anxiousness, isolation, and always ready to "go!"

It wasn't until I found IFS that I learned about her. I was able to reconnect with her. I let her know I'm here, that I'm sorry she didn't get a voice or the justice she deserved. She was able to be witnessed in a way she never experienced before.

She's the one who pops in at night, as the sun starts to set, with apprehension. She needs a little bedtime breathing and snuggle with the cat to be reminded I'm here and we've got her.

Experiencing IFS for the first time was bizarre! Truly. But I've come to love understanding my parts, why they do what they do, and how I can help them. I've learned I have a mosh pit of parts, all ready to take charge, worry, manage, avoid, grieve, and so much more.

I've learned that all roads lead to grief - but it's not because life is always hard, it's because the saying is true- all good things must come to an end. Grief comes with raising children and watching them grow and live their lives, grief comes when I am longing for my 25-year-old body who didn't have constant joint pain, vision loss, menopause, or the loss of my mom, death of beloved pets, and the list goes on...

So here I am, with Millie the cat, lying in bed. She insists on lying on my chest every night while I do my box breathing and wind down from the day. She knows what's up.

Do you have parts that show up in the evening? Getting to know parts is mind blowing - but discovering Self is even more so. More to come on Self. Stay tuned.

With love and courage.

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